Books
Work-in-progress
Working title: This Never Happened – a Memoir
This is a photo of me on my first day in Montpellier, France. I had just turned 21 and was beginning a year of service in my faith community. I knew some things, like how to speak French and how to be a nanny. But I knew nothing of French culture, and I hadn’t learned how to set boundaries. Within six months, I was pregnant. Alone in a foreign country and terrified of bringing shame on my family and community, I decided to have an abortion. Even though it was against the teachings of my religion—in fact, against everything I thought I believed—I made that choice. The following day I sat on a bench at the foot of Lake Zurich and told myself, “This never happened.” The denial, fear, shame, and secrecy lived with me for decades.
I believe it was the soul of my child, speaking to me from the world of spirit, who prompted me to start writing my story. Maybe he was tired of being a secret and wanted to be known. Or maybe the part of myself I’d sent into exile—the guilty me who’d been carrying painful memories—was determined to be heard. Whatever the reason, in the spring of 2022, I started working in earnest on my first draft.
A couple months later, Roe v Wade was overturned. Along with just telling my own story, I would be stepping into a public conversation about abortion that was filled with hatefulness, intentional shaming, and political divisiveness. There were many days when I wondered if I had the capacity to deal with people’s reactions.
But I wasn’t about to let my voice be silenced by fear and shame this time. So I’m rewriting the story I’ve been telling myself for decades and writing the story of finding the courage to tell my abortion story.
My first draft is done and I’m deep into the joyful, grueling, humbling process of revising my manuscript. I would love to be querying agents by the end of this year, yet I know better than to rush the story. It will take its own time and let me know when its ready to be shared with the world
“I deeply admire Phyllis’ courage in sharing the complexities of her decision to have an abortion in her earlier days, before fully understanding its gravity. She initially thought she could move on and forget, living her life as if she could erase this choice. Ultimately, she had to face her decision and embark on a profound journey to understand and heal.
Her memoir is beautifully written, rich with details and imagery. Phyllis dives deep to create new meaning from a personal choice that is often the center of debates, social critiques, and political discourse. She humanizes one of the most divisive topics of our times by exploring the complexities of her own life and healing process, without engaging in divisive discourse.
I love supporting brave individuals in writing their stories of transformation and empowerment. By exploring the complexities of truth, we often need to reexamine our experiences to free ourselves from black-and-white thinking, shame, and social pressures. These are the stories that must be told to heal and advance our world.”- Kim Douglas, Writing Coach, Write To Unite
Longing:
Stories of Racial Healing
by Phyllis A. Unterschuetz and Eugene F. Unterschuetz
A white couple’s true personal account of a ten-year journey that forced them to look honestly at their comfortable notions about race as they forged relationships with people of African descent. The authors describe uncomfortable and embarrassing situations, examine their mistakes and unconscious assumptions, and share with their readers what they have learned about being White. They also share insights from Black friends and strangers who taught them to see beyond superficial theories and to confront the attitudes that have shaped how Americans think about race. But above all, their stories speak about the longing they discovered everywhere they traveled—a longing to connect and to heal from the racial separation that has so deeply wounded this country. The objective of these stories is to encourage White readers to form authentic interracial friendships, convince them that they will survive their inevitable mistakes, and empower them to look honestly at their own conditioning. It is hoped that the book will be used as a catalyst for discussion in any venue addressing the dynamics of race.
“One cannot walk away from this book and count it as just another interesting read on race relations. For whites, the book is a primer on how best to engage in racial self-discovery and reflection in the realm of meaningful racial change without the burden of guilt and shame. For people of color, especially those who have grown tired of the seemingly endless and often fruitless discussions on race, these stories will renew their faith in that band of brave white souls who remain dedicated to the healing of racial wounds and the promotion of the unity of humankind.” – Dr. Richard Thomas, author of Racial Unity: An Imperative for Social Progress and co-author of Lights of the Spirit.
“Longing: Stories of Racial Healing is intelligent and warm, yet it is neither pedantic nor sentimental; it is engaging, beautifully written, and wonderful for the many, many insights that it contains. To anyone who is wondering about a perspective that may help to lead us forward, it can be recommended with confidence and without reservation.” – Dr. Michael Penn, author of Overcoming Violence against Women and Girls: The International Campaign to Eradicate a Worldwide Problem
Storytelling video “The Promise: A Lesson in White Privilege”
This is one of the stories in Longing: Stories of Racial Healing about my ongoing journey to recognize and root out my racial conditioning as a White person. I tell about my interaction with a Black woman, the comment I made that caused her pain, and what happened when I tried to repair the injury.
“By letting us into their minds, their apprehensions, and their own shortcomings, [the authors] permit others to see the possibilities of true freedom from the chaos of individual racism. If we are ever to master the psycho-emotional ruin created by racism, it is primarily through such courageous journeys as this.” – Dr. Robin Chandler, associate professor of African-American Studies and member of the Institute on Race and Justice at Northeastern University.
Phyllis and Gene Unterschuetz lived on the road in their RV and traveled throughout the United States from 1997 to 2012, speaking about racial unity and the oneness of humanity. They gave public talks, conducted workshops for schools and community organizations, and presented their belief that White people’s individual racial prejudice can be eliminated only through the practice of honest self-assessment, the willingness to risk making mistakes, and the creation of intimate friendships with people of diverse backgrounds. In an effort to provide concrete examples of these concepts, they began sharing stories of their personal struggles to overcome their own racial conditioning. These anecdotes eventually became the basis for this book. Gene and Phyllis now live in the Atlanta area. They have been married for fifty-three years and they have three children, six grandchildren, and one great-grandchild.
Longing: Stories of Racial Healing – ISBN# 978-1-931847-68-1 – May 2010, Bahá’í Publishing